Saturday, February 5, 2011

Ice Veins and Lesbian Cars

Today as I was walking across campus in the -30 degree weather (probably closer to -20, but who really knows these days?) I couldn't help but notice how cold every single part of my body was getting. I mean this weather was SOUL NUMBINGLY FREEZING. So cold my blood vessels felt like a tiny Jamaican bobsled team careening down my ice-like veins. (they won gold medal of course) As I passed many genderless people with all gender-distinguishing features covered up with hats, scarves, and coats I saw a guy wearing only a mere jacket-a wind breaker if you will. I bet he was saying to himself, " Don't worry everyone, my ego will keep me warm." Moron.

So on to a more positive note, raise your hand if you think Subaru Outbacks look like lesbian cars. I mean, dude, c'mon. They totally do! Can't you see one getting out of her olive green Outback wearing tevas and carrying her canvas bag of organic produce? ( Please don't be offended if you fall under one of these three categories: 1: Lesbian, 2: Teva wearer, 3: organic produce buyer.)

Which brings me to my next point. I don't understand why so many people are crazy about those "environmentally friendly" grocery bags. Firstly, who is going to remember to take them to the store every time they shop? Secondly, all your groceries are jammed into one bag creating potential meat juice spillage onto produce, which doesn't make a good match. And my favorite part is the fact that there are SO many plastic bags already created, so technically they aren't saving much. Sure sure the phrase "kill a tree or choke a fish" is commonly said about paper and plastic bags, but I would just rather not look like one of "those" people carrying my stained, freaking nasty bag around with me up and down the aisles. But...whatever floats your boat.


T'Jae said...

i was thoroughly entertained by your second entry. thank you. thank you. continue to entertain :)

Hailey Randall said...

i totally agree with the grocery bag thing! who remembers to take it with them?! haha